I'm sorry that it hurts so much. I felt something similar in the sense that just when I thought things were cleared up, boom! I experience an upsurge of really old crud that then reactivates almost every single trauma that I thought I had already worked through! OUCH! Not only was I miserable and suffering, but I felt betrayed by therapy itself. Like how could I put in all this time and effort and it backfire?!!

Thing is, sometimes things like this happen because you are more ready to take in all the real stuff that somehow you have managed to dodge most of the time. It is actually a sign of progress though it feels awful and not like that at all. And it is hard to believe anyone who says anything good about it.

My therapist was honest and said, this work we are doing now is like having surgery without anathesia. He suggested that it was happening because I was in fact stronger and that even if I didn't believe it, I was strong enough to get through it. He likened himself to a midwife whose job it is to be there when the person in labor really thinks they are not going to make it and can't tolerate it. But they do make it through. And actually there is a great amount of relief and even joy afterwards.

It isn't just therapy that does this. Zen teachers say the same type of thing, that being awake means being awake to everything and some of that is pure crud. So no promises of pure bliss.