Hi NowhereUSA... I don't even know anymore. I want to have a better life. I want a better sense of self. I want to not freeze up in scary situations. I want less stress. I want more effective ways to deal with my crazy family. I'd like to date, eventually, and be able to be in a good relationship (I haven't dated since college, don't have any clue how to do it as an adult - freaks me out). I'd like to deal with the stupid trauma stuff that's stuffed in the back of my head, so that it doesn't leak out and freak me out. I'd like to not feel like I need to grab a knife and the phone when someone knocks on my front door.

I'd like to be happy, actual real happy, not just "meh, I've got a job and a house, so I must be OK... " and not feel like I'm just counting down the years until I die, since there's not anything worth doing anyway.

I don't know. It all feels fuzzy and inarticulate, but maybe that explains some of it?