I strongly encourage counseling. Especially as your boyfriend is not physically beside you right now, it would be helpful to have someone to speak to face to face. Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful guy. I have been in a similar situation as you by pushing my boyfriend away due to my own depression and no fault at all on his part. I eventually asked for help and got it, and it not only saved me but also my relationship that I was going to let go of thinking it was too much to take... Best wishes for your father, yourself and your boyfriend. Keep on thinking about the fact you'll see him again in a couple months. That's exactly what I'm doing right now (long distance for past year out of 4 year relationship).