My 16, 17 in 3 weeks friend, our friends child and my youngest's best friend was air lifted to a large children's hospital on weds. She was hemmoraging from intestines somewhere. The bleeding has stopped and they gave her cheomo on thurs for the lymphoma. They also found more tumors. This time on liver. They are going to try to do endoscopy and colonoscopy to see what cause of bleeding was. Her last chemo was supposed to be this coming weds. She has been begging to come home. I am feeling like they just keepm patching one thing and another happens. I am feeling like at what point does she get to say to hell with it and come home to her bed and her farm? Will she be stabalized enough to have a good time before it re-occurs or something else happens. Should she just be coming home now and living her life? She has one of those ports into her neck for nutrition that sometimes anorexic people get. Her dad came home friday afternoon and spoke with me very briefly. He called last night and also spoke briefly. I made it clear that I wanted to speak with him more and he has been away all day today. I heard him say 7 weeks ago that he didn't want her suffering to be for nothing. Well, I am wondering if that is what we are doing. At what point is enough enough? Is there a chance she will stabalize? What do I say to my kids? What do I say to myself? I woke up with a very sore back yesterday and I think it's stress. Muscle spasms. Ran out of percoset and can't get on weekends unless I go to the E.R. and everyone here seems to like that idea as much as I do. So I am taking 800 milligrams of advil every 8 hours and 1000 mg of tylenol every 6 hours. A little flexeril for good measure but it ain't enough. Though it does make me sleepy as heck. So I don't know what I need. I don't know what anyone can do, there is nothing. We can love her and her family, love us who are grieving, hurting for her and them and ourselves. How exactly do I stay sane? Hmm, that will be my greatest trial I am afraid. So I am a blabbering idiot. and everyones life goes on.