I called the crisis line and they said to take the meds. so I took my lowest dose possible of PRN 2.5 mg of lorazepam that usually never even takes the edge off, but I wanted to get something achieved today besides mindless activities. I didnt want to knock myself out because then the rest of the cleaning and rearranging will be left soley to my bf who already kicks up a stink about doing that kind of stuff. If he had just had the house clean for me it would have taken a huge load off but there is broken glass on the floor, mountains of dishes, mountains of clothes and in my attempt to rearrange I cant get to the bed or toilet. My couch is the most uncomfortable tiny two seater there is and I cant sit on the floor because of the broken glass. I guess I just wait and see if these meds do anything at all (unlikely cos they never did in hospital and I had support in there). My internet is barely working so I cant distract myself with silly picture or forums. I would colour in but all the craft stuff is in another huge pile that makes me cry just looking at it. My head is killing me from crying so much and I am so hungry but there are no clean dishes or any food to eat that doesnt involve holding a knife which I dont feel safe to do right now. I have to go food shopping and a whole lot of other every day things but it just feels too much and I wish the wardrobes Im trying to move would fall on my head and break my neck, accidental sui so no one gets mad. Guess I better find something to do to keep me occupied. This is not how I wanted my homecoming to be.