I just wrote on Friday a letter to my T. about my crazy emotions. I wrote that I hate wanting what I can't have, thinking about therapy all the time and that I actually feel like I am paying someone to torture me. I said so the most logical way out is to stop coming.

I've told her this several times. Apparently it's a struggle for T's to keep people in therapy who have Childhood Emotional Neglect. I constantly ask myself why I'm going through all of this. Then, I remind myself that I'm mainly doing it to be a better mom to my girls.

My T. once told me that she thinks it would be hard for me if I quit. I'm sure she's realizing things that I don't. So, between that, my attachment to her and my girls, I keep making myself go. It has definitely gotten easier since last summer but it's definitely a struggle.