It's been... technically about seven years, but that was a one-time minor incident. Other than that I haven't cut in over a decade.

I'm new here and I think I should have started in the Grief and Loss forum, as that's my main issue, but this was bothering me today. I recently lost my fiancé. I met him... around seven years ago.

I'm tired, and I don't really want to talk much... but I've been thinking about it. I'm going through a complicated grief and

When I met him, I was pulling myself out of that hole, learning to live for myself. If I had met him even a year or two earlier, things would have been different. He's gone now and I want to run back to the only thing I knew as safety before I had him, but those places and friends are long gone... this is something that isn't.

It's not who I am anymore, and it's not who he'd want me to be, but I'm having a hard time... I don't want to turn into that person again but, regardless of what he'd want for me, he's not here anymore.