Hi, everyone. I'm brand new to this forum so I thought I'd use my first post to give you all a little of my backstory.

I'm a 21 year old male and have been severely depressed since I was a senior in high school, age 17. Since then I have tried nearly every medication you can name, gone to several therapists and psychiatrists, and did one stint in a 30 day inpatient rehab program, yet none of that has seemed to work because I am sitting here right now just about as depressed as I've ever been. I have had numerous jobs over the last 4 years but have quit all of them within 4 or 5 months due to me feeling completely overwhelmed and just flat out not being able to handle the duties of a job. Simple daily activities such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, taking out the trash, etc. are extremely stressful for me and make me feel very overwhelmed. If I'm not able to handle taking out the trash, how am I ever to be expected to handle and hold on to a job?

I have also struggled mightily in my academic career (or lack thereof). My senior year of high school was complete hell. That's when the feelings of worthlessness, feeling inferior to others, and the physical and mental inability to make it through a school day started to occur. I would often just leave school in the middle of the day and drive home because I just couldn't hold on any longer without having a full on emotional breakdown in front of everybody. That lead to my grades taking a huge dip and me getting into trouble because of truancy. So it goes without saying that I barely met my graduation recquirements. After high school I was pretty much forced by my parents to enroll in community college because they both graduated from college, as did my older brother as well. College was the same exact same experience as senior year, often getting up and leaving because of feeling overwhelmed and not able to do what was asked of me, and not doing any homework because I would spend all my time at home alone in my room thinking about how much I hated myself and my life. After failing so many classes, I was pretty much asked by the school not to enroll anymore to free up space for people that would actually care and be good students. This made me feel like a HUGE failure.

After feeling so ashamed of being a complete failure in both school and work, as well as not being able to control all the terrible thoughts and feelings flowing through my head, I was craving something to make me happy, take the edge off, and to make the world seem like a better place. This is when I got into drugs. I had always been a social drinker and occasional pot smoker just like pretty much everybody else in my high school, but I never thought I would get so down that I felt I needed to resort to illegal drugs just to cheer myself up. before my parents found out what was going on and sent me down to an inpatient facility in Arizona for 30 days. I am proud to say that as of right now I have successfully kicked the drug habit and have my one year clean date coming up in just a few weeks. The drugs may be gone, but the depression is still here and worse than ever.

I sit here today at 21 years old still living at my parents home, no job, not enrolled in school, and no hope of ever being able to work or stay in school again. I am pretty much totally incapable of being independent and living on my own, like I said before, if I can barely handle taking out the trash, how am I expected to make a living? They always ask you where do you see yourself in 10 years? I honestly see myself still living at home and being out of work in 10 years. I have gotten tons of help for my mental issues over the years but I keep going backwards. I fear the future because it doesn't look too good as of right now. I hope things get better but realistically they probably won't.