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Originally Posted by A Little Lost
I TRIED to explain to them what is involved, I mailed them literature and emails but neither of my sons had time to read it.
Within the past month in addition to my BPD and severe depression I have contracted severe pneumonia and a badly sprained ankle.
My younger son helped but he was quite sullen and resentful. I paid him money to help me.
My older son with whom I have always had a loving relationship and whom I have spent countless hours and years supporting him in his battle against parental alienation has turned into a cold-hearted bastard who told me he regrets that I have not killed myself.
I was thinking this afternoon, it suddenly occurred to me that most families pull together when one of them is sick.
Just like my abandonment by my mother my children are Act II.
I said some horrible things but I have had it up to here. I can't repeat all the things I said to that ungrateful selfish traitor.
I know that after everything I said my ties to my children are severed permanently.
But I refuse to accept responsibility I BEGGED FOR HELP and I begged for understanding in return for which I have been abandoned, the fear that has been with me all my life is finally come to fruition.
I am 65 years old and totally alone.
I can't believe my children turned out to have such cold hearts. I know you don't know me but trust me when I say we have always had warm relationships but the problem was when I NEEDED HELP - it is not allowed.
My mother was a cold, manipulative, physically and emotionally abusive woman who was not there when I needed her. Incredibly I find that my children have evolved to be just like her.
I'm trying to process this but trust me, any chance of my children ever being together again have been severed as if cut by a knife.
I needed my family, I needed understanding - my mother got her wish from the grave. I am alone and there is no going back.  |
My mother was a manipulative, abusive drunk. I had a hard time recognizing this until I was in middle school. I eventually became very distant with her. She favored my brothers very obviously and it was hard for me as a teenager to understand my mother was "sick."
As I got older, I recognized just how sick she was. She didn't want to hear it. She still favored my brothers and I was the black sheep- now also bearing the genetic mental and emotional issues she herself has but refuses to admit. Being bipolar myself, I recognized the issues in her finally. My mom is bipolar, and an alcoholic, and suffers from similar issues from her own mother.
After years of only taking stuff out on me, she finally turned to do it to my brothers when I moved thousands of miles away. She pushed them away, too.
Now, she tries to drag us all back by apologizing and saying things have changed.
We don't trust her. She was narcissistic and mean for too long, and she trained us to be how we are. While being sorry is great for you, it does nothing for the people you're saying it to.
I read an article months ago (I tried finding it, and can't) that was written in response to a woman that basically wrote that her son stopped talking to her and she has raised a spoiled brat, and that it is disgraceful that good parents have been raising brats that end up being ungrateful and not speaking to their parents for some dumb reason.
The response was that it probably wasn't for "some dumb reason." And told the woman to look back HONESTLY and think hard about why her son would just stop talking to her.
So, it goes on to possible issues, and one of them is narcissistic personality disorder relating to the mother. She thinks she has done nothing wrong and has apologized for all the wrong she could have done but that she just happened to raise an a-hole child.
Now, going back to your issue- I will tell you, I will forgive my mother but I won't forget. Neither will my brothers. She can whine about how we are never there for her all she wants. Where was she when I really needed her to be sane? She was drunk. Where was she when I, myself, needed help because I was suicidal? She was drunk, and ranting at me about being stupid for attempting suicide.
She didn't care enough to get herself help, but now that she needs help (my step dad had a stroke and my mother, while still able to work, is an alcoholic and needs to be drunk every moment NOT spent at work, and it is hard to take care of that when she is helping my step father), she is apologetic and blames us for her crap conditions in life.
You need to move on from being sad about your children not being there. You need to take care of yourself and prove that you ARE focusing on fixing your emotional/mental health issues. If/when they see this, then perhaps healing can begin.
But you cannot expect years of detriment on their part to be forgiven just because you need help now. It is not their fault that you need help. They do not deserve to be called names.
I would recommend speaking with a counselor and psychiatrist to get the help you need.