Scarlet, about that letter suggestion, if I can offer a suggestion, I think you should totally do it.

I know from experience, when my first T moved jobs & left, my second T helped coordinate that letter for me & suggested the same thing this counselor of yours did. I wrote a ton of stuff, and ultimately chose to send it through her, which happened. She got it, read it & took it all in, was unable to respond for ethical reasons but I can tell you from experience, writing everything down whether she sees it or not can be really cathartic, as it was for me. Start writing one & see how it goes, just focus on getting things out first & then once you're satisfied with what is there & feel like you're done, then make a decision as to whether you want to send it. It can be just as helpful whether you do or not, for me it was more satisfying for her to read it & for me to know that she would be taking it in but you may not feel the need to go that route. I really recommend if you can though that you at least try to write one & see how it goes. From there, either she will see it or you will keep it just as a release type exercise for you. In my case, though it brought up a lot of emotions while writing it, after I was done it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. All that I was feeling had no longer been contained inside so much, if that makes sense.

Just a few words to you from someone who has actual experience with this. Things did not end as badly with that one as they did with yours though, I think that may be a factor for you in whether or not you send it but anyway, just had to respond to that! I also love what this counselor said about grieving vs. wallowing, she'd make a perfect T for you!

Whatever you decide, I know you'll do the right thing & what's best for you!