Quote:
Originally Posted by connect.the.stars
I know it is frustrating. My family also does not believe depression is something that exists or that I can even have. I think it is great you have tried to educate them and send them articles about your disposition. If they are not willing to learn, then it's on them yea?
You should NEVER have to apologize for your condition. It's not your fault.
Unfortunately, I think the symptoms of BPD do tend to confuse or alienate family and friends. That's the only reason I suggested apologizing for the outburst of anger.
It sounds like you've been trying really hard to make this work. How long has it been going on? growlycat makes a very good point. It's sad that it has to be like this, but sometimes the people who we need to understand us the most are not the right ones for that. If they cannot or do not have the patience to work things out with us and have meaningful conversations, then sometimes we have to look elsewhere.
I came to PC because I felt like I couldn't have those kinds of conversations with my family. They'd listen with one ear, and somehow warp it in their own brains, then say something that is not intentionally hurtful...but it hurts none-the-less. I have decided to just accept that mental illness is something they can't really comprehend. And I don't blame them for it.
The key is to also not blame yourself for it either.
I'm sorry if I offended you in any way with my previous post. I've noticed there are lots of good folks on here who struggle with the same type of mis-understanding from their loved ones. *gentle hugs* I really hope you can find support whether it's through therapy, this forum, or a miracle breakthrough.  |
Thank you for trying to clarify your feelings and intentions. I want SO VERY MUCH for this rift to be healed and it would almost be comical how the efforts to do so have been thwarted with bad timing, illness, etc. Right now I am so sorry that I ever brought this up with my family. I hoped that in the absence of my mother who is deceased my family could help me find acceptance to move beyond these feelings that have plagued me all my life. Instead I seem to have opened up a can of worms. I may have mental issues and emotional issues but I can see the train wreck this has become and much of it is due to my anger issues. I have tried to talk to him but then he goes off on something else about how I do stupid stuff or questioning my judgment which makes me angry until I can't properly express myself and so I just yell something at him and hang up. I cannot control it, it is not a matter of not wanting to or not trying to - it has a life of its own. I have tried to explain this but at this point both of us are so far apart I don't see any hope at all. I'm disappointed and angry with the psychologist because it honestly to me does not appear he has any plan to help and he has made things worse yet for some reason my son has now decided he's the way to go so after not showing up the last time we were scheduled now he wants to go when I have lost confidence in him. I wrote him why but he says he doesn't read what I send anymore because a lot of it is unproductive and rude and he's right but the reason it is is because I am so frustrated with nowhere to express myself and so rather than explode or kill myself I write to him. Sometimes helpful sometimes not. The sad thing is that I do not feel we need anyone to help us - I feel the power is in both of us. I have asked him before to meet with me privately and he refuses. I am his mother and he is my son and i think we could reach an understanding face to face without any psychologist involved certainly the one I have now has not helped at all but made things worse by appearing to have betrayed me. It is ridiculous how much I want to reach out to him but he says something that sends me over the edge. If we could agree to sit down face to face, mother to son, not as the adversaries we have become, and agree to listen to the other this could be fixed but he won't and I won't go to the psychologist who actually is breaking the code of ethics meeting with my son without me. But at the end of it all right now I'm just sorry I ever said anything because the distance appears to be vast and unresolvable. We have gotten into this pattern and can't seem to break it. I'm just tired, i'm tired of trying to explain, I'm tired of everything. I feel hopeless and sad but right now as miserable as that is I am prepared to resign myself that thru some horrible twist of fate I have lost my family. I am weak and wounded but I just want to crawl into my hole and protect myself and let life go by as best i can.