I think this is the kind of thing to which manicattack was referring. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I am. I actually understand it. While I am in my mid-thirties, and do not have children, I have had circumstances where I absolutely had to lean on others and they were not there. I have to have a hip replacement (long story--I had an injury in childhood, aggravated it as a runner and all but destroyed the hip joint) which will keep me on crutches for 12-16 weeks; I live on the second floor of my apartment, the laundry room is on the other side of my building, grocery stores don't deliver...there simply is no way I can do that recovery on my own. I had to cancel my surgery because I didn't have people to rely on to help me, consistently, for that long.

I have a long history of pushing people away both with harsh words and by isolating myself. Yes, I am a very loyal, caring person--all of the people still in my life will say this. But they will also tell you that they know to steer clear when I get a "certain way." I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I still have my tendencies. I don't know you, your personality, or the relationship you have with your sons. But I have BPD, and I was raised by a mother with BPD. I think we do more pushing away than we realize/admit.

I've healed some relationships which I thought were completely broken, but it took a lot of space and for me to be humble, kind, and to hear people out when they said things I didn't necessarily like to hear. I know that this may upset you, and I'm sorry. Like I said though...I do understand. I've been there.