I'm sorry you had to put off your surgery - with something like that which takes so long recovering its nice to have it done so we can at least know we are part way thru the process.

Yes, I do push away, I have not lied, I have not tried to deny I say cruel things but I honestly cannot stop myself. My emotions are all over the place and it is exhausting. I started a discussion asking others to give their own feelings on being abandoned because after i read some things from others here and there, i realized its a huge problem and i am not alone in it. Maybe you will want to look at it. I hope that there is solace in numbers and that we can at least be there for each other. They may choose to look away but we are entitled to what support we can find and comfort too.

I hope you find a way to get your surgery underway. it sounds like it might mean you need to move somewhere that doesn't at least cut you off from laundry etc. Its a huge hurdle - surgery is, any kind, I hope you find a way to have it and put at least that problem in the past.