Thanks Schmooey and Simakitten for replying to me. Clearly, I'm not alone.
I'm finding this site so helpful already in at least that sense. Until, a few days ago I didn't think anyone could understand. I've been on disability since 2009 and declined more in 2012. I so wish I could go back and start over before all of this. I hate feeling out of control and scared. I hope that you both will stay in touch and feel better.