Don't think I have ever explained my relationship with my board and care counselor. First, please take into account that we met 14 years ago and she wasn't required to have a degree back then. She had the minimal training necessary.

Back story: when I was 17 my parents got divorced. My parents came out of the bedroom, dad said they were getting a divorce and he was leaving. He walked out. My mom and I had a horrid relationship then. She constantly told me that my dad didn't want me, and she told him I didn't want anything to do with him. Then I graduated h.s. I wound up having a breakdown and was hospitalized. After the 72 hour hold, I went to a crisis house. While there, my mom called my church friends and told them she was kicking me out. My mom thought someone at the church would take me in. Nobody did. I wound up homeless abandoned by my family and church. After several months in the homeless shelter, my case manager got me into the board and care.

Everyone there called me the baby because I was so young. Back then, not many young people wound up in these places, so I was the youngest they knew of. Many people tried to mother me, but everyone had their own ideas of what was most benefical to me. Most disagreed with the level of attachment my counselor and I had.

I was my counselor's first client. She connected with me because she has 6 children of her own. We were very close. We would hug, hold hands... when she worked at night, she would tuck me into bed. One time she kissed my forehead goodnight. And one time she held me in her arms like a child (I asked her to). But the staff often felt that we were way too close. Yet, every time they would try to separate us, I would throw a fit, and they would give in and let me be with her again.

We weren't too close. It was actually a beneficial experience for us both. For me, I got all the love and care I needed at the time. I also learned that none of that love filled the hole that my mother left in me. I realized you can't fill those holes, but you can build around them and make them seem smaller. She learned how to emotionally meet her children's needs better by practicing with me. Our relationship did evolve by the end. I moved out of the board and care and all the extra mothering stopped. Yet the relationship continued.

My counselor and I tried to figure out why the relationship ended. Through shared memories, we figured out it was me. I pushed her away. But it was at the time when my fiance was controlling, I had already lost my T due to her transferring, and a few other people. That is when I isolated myself and stayed in the house for 6 years.

So there was emeshment. We were extremely close. But we both benefited and grew from it. And now, 14 years after we first met, we can have a healthy adult relationship.