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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Yap all you want! I'll read it all 
You said it's been a few months for you. Is there anything else in particular that has helped you through this process? Anything that helped you with your new T?
I LOVE the idea of having my new T send it. That is awesome!!! Then it would make it appropriate. Only problem, my T HATES the group my new T is part of. She called them drunks and crazy. But I guess I shouldn't care, huh? She didn't care enough to help me through this, so why should I care if my T hates my new T. It honestly shouldn't matter to her who my T is since I didn't seem to matter to her in the end. More thinking. More processing.
And yes, I absolutely love writing. Funny story: growing up, I was an underachiever. They almost held me back in grade school because I struggled with cursive and multiplication. In hs, my English teacher tried to kick me out of her class because she thought I would fail (there's a lot more to that story...another time). But I had a history teacher who was an intern. I wrote a paper for her and she asked to keep it to use an example for future classes. I was dumbfounded. But that was the first time anyo e complimented me on my writing. Then in college, I had an awesome English teacher. There were 5 papers...that's it. No other work. It was credit/no credit, but in order to get credit, you had to write an A paper. 5 A papers = an A in the class, 4 = B, and so forth. It was awesome because it taught me how an A paper should be written. And I got an A in the class  But yeah, I love love love writing.
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Ooh I feel like such an a-hole because I'm so late replying to you!
I'm actually not in any therapy at the moment, I started at a trauma center for survivors of abuse about 18 months ago, I had my first therapist for 2 months & then she left, I had my second one for a year & she was good until the last session she did a similar 360 on me a la your T, BUT the catch with this is I knew it would be our last session individually since they have a limit on the number of sessions due to demand for service so she didn't just dump me or anything, but yeah long story short she lied about a number of things that was planned for after I finished with her & everything exploded & that was that... it's just a small non profit place for survivors of sexual violence, but the counselors all have masters degrees & are specialized in trauma & all that, I was supposed to do group therapy after that with them, all their therapy both individual & group is free no charge but after what happened I didn't do that... I finished therapy altogether there last August & then went into private practice from like August to December with some therapist that was a horrible fit for me all the way through so I terminated in January with her & I took a bit of a break & will soon be starting the search for a therapist for me...
So really, I've had to deal with two losses that were handled very differently & had different impacts on me... what has helped me, I'm not too sure I have an answer for that one... I was very affected with both & particularly the second one because she told me all these things & led me to believe all these things & then reneged on all of it last second & I believe some type of countertransference was involved with her as well.... I attach to people very strongly in a setting like that & so both times it was really hard for me... I just tried to keep myself as busy as I could through that time, structure my days a bit more whenever possible so that I wasn't just sitting & drifting because that's when I tend to think about things & then I'd get sad & cry... but if I knew I had something coming up to do, it would keep my mind occupied, fortunately for me during those times I was working bigtime hours so during the day I barely had time to think about much, but the nights are the worst... I didn't avoid the feelings if they came up, I just tried not to focus on them too much, I had difficulty eating & sleeping for the first few weeks afterward both times & I just tried to compile a list of things I enjoy doing or find happiness & comfort in & I'd do a few of them to take care of myself per day, to keep it balanced so that I'm not spending every day only concentrating on that... I'm not going to lie, it was hard still & the feelings I had (loss, abandonment, etc.) would come & go, but time is the only real thing that will heal something like that... accepting it & getting past it really is not going to happen instantly, as much as we might want it to, it just doesn't work like that...
I think the key is to be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself & however long it takes you to grieve & deal with the loss is how long it takes! We all grieve & deal with difficult things differently & we move forward at our own pace, you honestly don't need a lot of advice from the sounds of things because you have been handling your situation way better than I ever could! Self care is important, make sure you take a little bit of time each day to do something that makes you happy & just know that, one day at a time, you will get stronger & build yourself back up to where you should be! I hope I've made sense & helped you somehow!
And your writing story was awesome! I agree, you have an incredible ability to write & I myself have also had many people tell me they enjoy my writing, my ex T included when she got her letter I wrote for her! This exercise will be awesome for you & I think you'll get as much out of it, or more, as I did!