I can't recall the amount of certain days, but I know that i've been on my medicine for a little over two months and in that time plus a few weeks I hadn't mostly self harmed. There was one time where I cut but it was limited to one mark and was just a slip up. Even so it's been about a month or so since then.

Last night, however, I was triggered by something on t.v. (it was an unexpected event where one of the characters and I couldn't push past that urge that crept back in. I knew I should not bury the thoughts (because then they build up until I implode and get out of hand) and I knew that I wouldn't be able to move past those thoughts. So, I gave in and made one small cut.

Ordinarily, this would be a sign of failure - but to me it wasn't. The fact that I was able to identify my trigger, not bury my feelings and control my reaction were all signs of progress to me. And then, the fact that I woke up this morning and did not regret my actions was just the icing on the cake. I have no desire to cut again, but I also have no shame.

It's true - I tripped up, but I didn't allow that to burden to weigh me down. I accepted my mistake and moved on. That, to me, is a true sign on healing.

Hope this helps someone.