First and foremost I want to say that I have many more wonderful days than bad. My outlook is better than it's ever been. I am truly blessed.

However, I do have some problems that have come back to haunt me. This past October and November I underwent a series of biopsies. I hemorraged because of the last ones. Then in December, I had to have surgery. They got it all and I am truly thankful.

Although the mod/admin team had to know because I was not able to be here for a few days, I didn't want to post about it. I had faced cancer before and it was too intimate to discuss. I just couldn't do it.

Recently I had to have a biopsy on some nodules on my thyroid. I was told the results were negative and the reason I can't swallow food was more or less due to my imagination.

Yesterday I learned the biopsy material was not viable. They only got a single cell layer and there has to be at least six layers to be viable. I have to do it again in 3 months when the cells have had time to settle down and they can get a good sample.

I've had much more painful biopsies, but still, it's not comfortable at all. I went by myself the last time, and by darn, I'll march myself in there again this time, but I'm mad. I'm mad that the Dr didn't do his job well enough so that I have to go through this again. I'm mad that I'm once more left wondering if I have cancer again.

Also, I have some lymph involvement. The endocrinologist has decided that they need biopsied, too and she's sending me back to my surgeon. Well, the surgeon was the one who sent me to her because of the inflammed lymphs. I'm on a merry-go-round and no one will let me off the darn thing.

So, I go next Wed. to see the surgeon. I hope he gets it done there in his office that day. I don't want this dragging out and turning into a drama.

The endo wants to do a barium swallow so she can more clearly see if there is an obstruction in my throat. Well heck yes, there's an obstruction! I have nodules and an inflammed lymph in my neck that make me choke day and night!

She also wants an ultra sound on my neck and my family Dr. has ordered either a CAT or MRI on my neck and head. I was so shocked by that time I can't remember what she said.

I want them to do the biopsies and tell me what I already know in my heart. I don't have cancer again. I knew I had it before. I don't feel that way this time.

I haven't told my family, nor do I intend to do so unless it's proven positive.

I thank you for taking the time to read this.

Jan