I believe I may have a mild to moderate case of bipolar disorder. Nothing severe but it does effect my motivation. I am self diagnosing from what I have read and learned in school so far. I just am here to see others opinions. I do have trouble sleeping, I clench my teeth at night. I cannot eat unless I smoke marijuana (I had trouble eating prior smoking marijuana ever). Marijuana seems to relax these anxiety symptoms I tend to roll with in daily life. I have tried putting myself through exposure and response therapy, to some avail. I cannot shake my anxiety symptoms away though, being in public. I am a bodybuilder and yes I take steroids and this is what I love to do and always have ever since growing up, watching Arnold, Zane, Dorian Yates, and my father. So I will say that I have had anxiety issues much before my steroid use and they actually have not gotten worse. My problem is my appetite and sleep. I tend to let conflicting situations mess with my emotions. For example: I get really mad and impatient if I'm stuck on a school assignment. My sex drive rolls up and down, I am using testosterone and I balance my estrogen out with an anti-aromatase. I know that my sex drive is effected by my brain. I have been able to keep some "downing" "depressive" thoughts at bay by telling myself that I'm great and keeping my ego up. My goal is to change bodybuilding, however I cannot do this without an appetite, and frankly, marijuana is too expensive to keep buying. A doctor a long time ago prescribed me klonopin, but never diagnosed me with mania, he just said I have anxiety bad, which I do. As you can see I also have some OCD, but my ocd is easy for me to keep under control. I just want an appetite without smoking, I have been against medication for years but I feel that my anxiety or bipolar disorder, is holding me back with too much fear. As stated before, I also have trouble sleeping and concentrating. I have fast bursts of energy sometimes where I feel awesome and wanna feel like that all the time, super periods of increased sex drive that lasts for like 1 week then it drops below baseline again. I have studied lithium and honestly I refuse to take that. Anything that messes with my thyroid is off the list. Would benzos be a good choice for mania? I ask because I saw this on the webmd website. Thanks! I have plenty more to discuss just ask!

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