T said to me last session that if I can't stop my suicidal ideation under control then it is time to talk about IP treatment. I was already pretty agigated at that point in my session and I made some kind of sarcastic comment about.. Oh it that easy, you tell me you can't treat me like this and ohhh, I am supposed to snap out of it and be better. Well, that is not happening. T asked me to check in with him this weekend after our session just to tell him how I was feeling. I told him that I can't do this whole ultimatum thing because it sounds more like a threat. That if he thought IP care is what I needed to get past this part of my illness than lets have that conversation. He replied back that he understands it feels like a punishment, but its the way it has to be to keep me safe. He also said that it was a good idea to talk about it all, have maybe a more clear plan on what to do from here. So, I am supposed to see him on Friday and talk about it. The thing is, his reply actually was quiet comforting to me, ( he said more than I just mentioned) and I wasn't pissed at him. Right now, though.. I am. I am all of a sudden angry with him and his stupid threat. Maybe because I am having a rough week, depression is bad, anxiety is bad, etc.. and now I know that if I go back in there and admit to the ideations, I am scared of the outcome.. and I never have felt like I have had to censor myself in front of t, but now I do. Argh.. I am so pissed and not sure if I make sense.