I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now.

I definitely felt worse before feeling better. I agree with lolagrace that it had to be that way, to work through the crap I had to unbury it, I had to be in it, and t was in it with me, to get me to the point where I am today. In fact I just ran across one of my therapy journals that somehow wasn't in the box with the rest of them, from 2 years ago, and reading through it, I did notice a period of time where I even wrote it in there - "I think about therapy and t 24/7 it and she are always, always, always in my head." something like that. It was like an obsession. But it did lessen!! And I flipped through my other journals since then and can actually see the progression of my thoughts and feeling better. And now I'm working through terminating with t. I am happier than I've ever been in my life, right now, but... 2 years ago, I was a mess..... a worse mess than I was before starting therapy 3.5 years ago. I am glad I kept my journals, it's good to review them from time to time and watch my growth.