I'm sorry nervous puppy. I'm glad your H went though. Maybe the peace and closure don't come yet, ut by going, it will help in the healing process. It could be that you're still in shock or semi-denial. I'm proud of you for going. I believe there's is an afterlife, so I believe your T was smiling down on you. I know you're in pain now, but she has been set free of hers. Death is one of the hardest parts of life. Next would be loss of other forms. Humans are social animals. We are programmed to make connections. So when that connection is severed, it can be extremely painful. If I could, I would reach out and hug you. I would let you cry for however long you needed. I hope your H will give you at least the space to grieve. I think him coming with you was a big step for him. It was him showing you he loves you even though he doesn't understand. Please know I'm here for you and thinking about you.