I wish my T could feel my pain. Not because I want her to hurt (well I do a little), but so she could understand what she caused. You know how women would like men to feel what cramps and labor is like just so they can understand the pain? Like that. Or if she walk in my shoes for a day.

I might have idealized my T some, but it was because she always tried to come across as perfect. If I ever had a problem with her, she would always direct it back to me. The only time she owned up to anything was her play on words. I was able to point it out to her when she did it and she admitted to it. How can you see a person for who they really are if they're never open with you? Maybe her life was as good as she made it seem. Maybe she couldn't empathize? I know, I'm back to the whys again. I'm just badly want to make sense of this. I want 1+1 to equal 2. Not x+y = termination. What is x and y??? I think I depend on logic to keep me stable. This unknown stuff just drives me insane. I don't get it. I don't understand. For most things in my life, I either know or can hypothesize what happened. But this...this I cannot. I can't wrap my head around this and it's frustrating me!