I have one chronic illness/disability that I've had since childhood, and am recovering from back surgery. I have struggled with depression throughout my life. Regardless of the illness, I just want to be sick and have someone take care of me. I didn't have that growing up, and had to push through everything, still do. I was thinking about how I got when I was really depressed and wanted to be depressed. Maybe part of the reason you want to stay depressed is that there is something really wrong with you, and you don't want to pretend there isn't. I don't know if that's right, but with my physical illnesses I just get tired of dealing with it day after day, year after year. Sure, I'd like to be healthy, but I never will be and it makes me mad that I have to try to live a normal life anyhow. I was in the hospital twice as an adult and I LOVED it. All I had to do was be sick, and let people take care of me. It was better than a vacation. Any pain or discomfort was nothing compared to being allowed to be sick and being taken care of. Does this make any sense?