Well I'm new here... I found this place through another website that advocated for it being helpful. I've been battling this monster inside my head for a long time now. I've had so many lows lately and I feel so stuck. I have the general feelings of being a worthless burden. I've been told I have a very pessimistic and self defeating personality, I wish I could change that but I really don't know how. Just "think positive" honestly makes me scoff, because well...what do I have to feel positive about exactly? It makes me feel like some angsty teen when I say that, but it feels true. My situation doesn't help, I currently have no job(have applied but no call-backs), no car, and the place I am living isn't exactly filled with positive energy. I want to get away, I think that would be good for me, but I don't know how and no one can seem to tell me. Lately I've been dealing with self harm again(cutting) and thoughts of suicide, though I promised myself to NOT do that, the thoughts rear their ugly little head anyway. I don't like feeling or being this way, I don't like me. I don't know how to start liking me again, I can't really remember a time when I did anymore, but I imagne it feels nice.
Sorry for the life story. But that is what I am going through right now and I don't know what to do, or how to make it better. I'm just...very tired.