obsids,
I'm so sorry. I care. No advice here, as I'm not in your place, but your pain is very real none the less.

I'm glad you had a book recommendation that hopefully would help validate your pain...it's a very very real loss.

No matter the story and reasons behind the adoption, abandonment is one of the most raw wounds to find healing for.

[[ I was abandoned at 10 when both my parents died...unintensional for sure - maybe stupidity for my surgeon Daddy to fly that day and take Momma with him]]]

Have you tried EMDR for working through the preverbal tramma?

btw a random comment here - I find most cards off the rack are horribly inacurate for my family situation!