I think it is a gift because it makes you creative when your manic it makes you a social butterfly then when your depressed it's amazing how you hate yourself but care so much about others because you know how low, low can feel. It's like saying it's a blessing and a burden. If your feeling worse being off certain meds I would definitely bring that up to your psychatrist and if they aren't willing to help figure out the proper meds try to find a different doctor if possible because you know yourself best and what is working for you or not.