Hi Renounced,
"The fact that I "took it to the heart", made me feel dumb, which also made me go "Oh, that means that they are absolutely right"
You're not the reason behind your pain, they are
Although you are right, there can be change.
We're not really talking "accusations" from what you've said, you know?? What we're really talking about is bullying or emotional abuse. And bullying/abuse can have a big impact on someone, however strong they may previously have been.
It's completely understandable how someone can take those comments "on board" and come to believe that at least some part of them must be true. And as confidence/self-esteem start to slip, you start to doubt yourself, you start to make mistakes/you start to be less good at things/you isolate yourself and people drift away........because of the bullying/abuse then those things are driven even further home.........and still the comments in your head.
So please don't "beat yourself up" over believing them at the time.
However, you know that those comments were coming as a result of their weaknesses, not yours, right??!!! Their ignorance, their need to feel powerful at a cost to someone else, their pain if they've faced abuse themselves............but whatever place those comments came from absolutely does not need to make them true!!!!
And yes, you can move past this, which it sounds like you're on the road to doing
Keep on giving yourself the validation you need, because you aren't those comments are you??!! You're way more than/above those comments!!!!
And less of the blaming yourself, OK??!!! You don't deserve it!!!

Alison