Have you sought help? Especially for your eating issues? i know it's hard to want to do that, but eating disorders cause depression, and it sounds like you are depressed (I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, I'm just warning you). My best friend was anorexic and she went into a deep depression. When you don't eat your body can't make the chemicals that keep your mood up. I'm not saying "just eat" because I know that's not how it works, but I think you could use some professional help in this so you don't have to go it alone and you can really confide in someone in person.