SS, Sky, Sweet, Janniebug,

We are not yet ready for hospice, still trying to see what is going on and help. That actually is my question, for how long. I speant hours with dad today and he wanted to clean the house because she told him she is coming home and to clean house. I said you remember that I have done it and will do it when the time comes. He said that he needed it done now. So, back pain and all I vacuumed and mopped and dusted. The girls told me that they wanted to arrange her room with her stuff sent from the hospital and make signs if she comes home. Dad says when. She has had several endoscopy's, they put her out for them because of the tumors in throat and esphopogus. I hate the whole colonoscopy thing for her. Dad is being positive and so is kiddo. It rubbed off. So as much as it hurt I was happy to be cleaning and thinking of her. Sky, I deal with so much death and dying that I do know a wonderful clergy person who has helped me in the past and was there when my friend needed her when her mom died. She has been helpful. as far as the nsaids, the on call doc told me to take 800 mg every 8 hours and tylenol every 6. I am going to call doc in the morning to discuss it. My nurse friend who was dear and caring today when we spoke about kiddo reminded me to stretch. Hubby helped me stretch and I know that it helps. I was happy to be at her home making it alive. I felt for the first time in a while that it is possible for her to come home at least for a while. I saw in her dad's eyes his love and admiration for mom who is the best advocate and can keep up with 30 docs on kiddos team. She is amazing and has somehow stayed sane through all of this. I do so appreciate your caring and kindness. It means the world to me as I struggle with this stuff. I feel like a yo yo. Up and down. no clear knowing and just having to live through it and parent through it and work through it. (job). Please keep with me guys, it's too much.