Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
I have never known anyone on tv or irl or online including myself (especially myself) who has held up and pushed thru these first two weeks without being a catatonic, substance-abusing, oversleeping, overphoning crabby butt mess, but was actually present, active, articulate and responsive to stimuli! I'm just effin amazed. Its like the storyline just doesnt exist and you made it up as you went along and its unfolding in front of our eyes. Youre an inspiration.  now i'll get back to my chores! |
It's real, I swear!
I can't think of the post, but we both posted about being authentic on here. You posted that you could have come up with a better story about yourself if you wanted attention. I replied that if I wanted attention, I wouldn't be praising my T so much.
I don't know how I'm doing what I'm doing. I feel almost like I'm just going with the flow. But really, I think it's stubbornness. When I'm doing okay, I'm peaceful, calm, no real concerns. When I'm depressed, I flail and cry like a baby. But when someone hurts me or tries to take away something important from me, or even hurts someone who is down, a fire is lit under my @ss somehow and I fight, basically, to the death to stand up for what I believe in. Too bad that fire doesn't stay lit forever
To people who don't know me, I come across as sweet, caring, and innocent. But I have multiple facets. My dad, when he was in my life, used to have me meet all his potential gf's. He knew people always feel comfortable with me and that they would open up. But just because I'm nice, doesn't mean I'm oblivious or can't form an opinion. So his potential gf's would open up to me and I would tell him what I learned. It also helps that I'm usually a good judge of character (though I failed with my T
).
For me, it always comes down to life or death. Do I keep going or do I give up. And being homeless taught me what my "bottom" looks like and I have no plans to go back there. That's why my dogs are so important. They're not just dogs to me. They're my angels. They give me a reason to fight. It's sad, but true, and everyone knows that I love my dogs more than any other human being. They are my life, they keep me alive. It's why we have multiple dogs too: so if one passes away, I already have a connection with another one which keeps me going.
Sorry, went off an a tangent. I know I can't prove what I write is true, but it is. I'm good at writing, but I suck at making up stories. But many people irl can't believe the things I've gone through. Or they are shocked to see how I'm able to function even though I clearly have BPD. I don't fit the norm with anything. I don't fit into any world. It jas it's pros and cons. But it's just who I am and what I've experienced. I can't change it.
Oh, and I have been oversleeping a little
