I'm a lot older than you, but I too feel that my illness destroyed any hope for attaining the goals that I had when the illness came on. (Btw, I was dx'd as BP, but then a new pdoc dx'd schizoaffective disorder, though there's a fine line between the two, anyway). I was in my third year of a PhD program in education -- had been doing extremely well as the first student in 100 years to receive an Honors score on my prelim exam at a prestigious university. Then in 1993, all the symptoms hit at once -- starting with mania, which I actually enjoyed at first -- but then sinking into depression, which has been my main mood orientation over the years.

I have a lot of regrets but probably wouldn't if I felt better now. But after all these years, the docs just can't get the medication mix that will enable me to handle work again. (I went back many times trying this and that, only to have the symptoms arise with a vengeance each time... so work has been out of the question.)

I try to be thankful for the little things each day though I'm quite isolated and each social encounter leaves me feeling overstimulated as well as exhausted.

But I remain hopeful, even at 54, that one day I'll find the right medications and that my condition will improve. :-) Fingers crossed....