When you go grocery shopping alone, make it a point to not buy a lot of the stuff that he particularly likes. There must be some things that he craves that are not your favorites. If the cabinets lack his special treats long enough, he will start going to the store. (I did this with my sig. other, and it worked.)

So he's having a hard time with his job . . . hmm. I'll bet he's no more conscientious about his work, than he is about picking his clothes up off the floor. I'll bet that, if it wasn't a family owned business, he wouldn't even have that job. Maybe his family spoils him and lets him get paid for showing up. Even if their expectations of him are not very high, which I'll bet they aren't, he probably is having trouble meeting even the expectations that do exist . . . like him getting along with the other workers.

Because he's family, he probably thinks he can crap on the non-family workers that are there. That's probably leading to problems. Just like he's testing you, he's testing his dad, or whoever has the business, to see how far he can go with being a pain in the arse. And, now, he's gotten to the point that people at the job, including his family, are getting sick of it. So he's not being totally tolerated. So his nose is out of joint.

Maybe his family are so indulgent of him that they will keep paying him no matter how little he contributes to the success of the family business. But that won't satisfy him. He'll want the non-family members to bow to him, or he'll want them fired. Someone in that family must be serious about making that business work, so there is a limit to how much stuff they can put up with from him. But he is all about testing limits, so that's what he's doing on the job.

Encourage him to talk about all the things that bother him at work, and I'll bet you'll learn a lot of what I say is true. Act real sympathetic, so he'll trust telling you just how much of a tool he is on the job toward other people there. Say things like, "Gee, Honey, are you getting taken advantage of at work? Are you having to do more than your fair share?" I'll bet his answer is, "Yes!" Just listen acceptingly, and you'll hear a flood of talk about what a victim he is . . . and how his pay isn't even fair for all he does. He's all about being a victim, so that will hold true for the job situation, just like for the home situation. Who he is doesn't change when he leaves the house.

Maybe he wants to pack that job in, once you get out of your graduate program and can get a high paying job. Don't be surprised, if you end up supporting this guy. Then he'll be willing to do the cooking and act like that's what justifies him not going to a job. He may have more of a long term plan than you even realize, even if it's subconscious, and he doesn't quite realize it, himself, yet.

My guess is that he's trying to make you feel guilty for not living up to your wifely duties because, at some level, he anticipates not living up to his husbandly duties. He sounds plain lazy to me. I seriously doubt he's a ball of fire when he gets to work.

Just get him talking about that family business, even more than he already has. There is an ocean of resentment in him about his role there. Of course, it's all due to other people not being fair to him, poor fellow.