This is a question I've been asking myself. I've always had low self-esteem. I've also never liked my appearance or the way I look. I have self-hatred going all the way back to when I was a little kid, around preschool age - back then it was purely about my weight and appearance (which the bullies at school didn't help). However, since then I've developed a lot more insecurities, and the reasons behind them vary and are more complex.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to undo the tangled knot that is my self-esteem. There are so many different issues, and it would probably take me years with a professional to go down the list and sort through all of them. I can't really get a professional, so I try to help myself however I can, by reading around on the internet for self-help articles and such regarding self-esteem... but nothing has really spoken to me or helped.

I've started to think of the possibility that maybe having good self-esteem is not a realistic goal for everyone. Don't we all know people who just can't love themselves, no matter how hard they try? Could it be true that maybe good self-esteem is even unattainable for some of us?

While I don't hate myself as deeply and intensely as I used to, I still struggle daily with liking myself / my appearance / personality / abilities (or lack thereof), etc. I avoid comparing myself to others, and I try not to project my insecurities on those around me. However, I feel that I'm too ugly to talk to people or have a relationship (I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend or even been kissed). In school I was the girl who guys asked out as a joke. Nobody wanted to date me. So I didn't date. This means I am entirely inexperienced and I feel that I've been left out of one of the most important parts of a teenager's life.

I can't help thinking Who is going to want me? It seems impossible to me that any good guy (or girl) my age would ever like me 'in that way'. As no one has ever shown the least bit of interest in me (and many have even shown repulsion, it's not just all in my head) I can only assume that what I feel about myself is true. And whenever I hear anyone mention relationships or sex, especially people my age, I can't help feeling this bitter twang of loneliness and jealousy. I feel like they are much more mature and better than me, because they have these things, and I don't (and probably never will).

That's only one of my many insecurities. I won't bother listing the rest. But what I'm saying is... does anyone else have so many issues with liking themselves they feel they'll never be able to have truly good self-esteem?

Even people who aren't exactly struggling with it... or have struggled in the past and overcome it... I want your input. What do you think... is developing good self-esteem a thing that just not everyone can do? Is there a certain number of insecurities a person can have before they are beyond help?

I am not saying that I think I'm un-helpable... though it feels that way sometimes. I just am curious.

Thoughts?...