"She's Got A Big Butt" That's what I heard a little boy say to his mom today at the grocery store today. I'm not upset with the little boy or what he said. It is true I have a big butt and I'm overweight. I am angry with myself. I'm a fat ugly pig and I'm disgusted with myself. Why can't I lose weight and be an average size woman? I'm so ashamed of what I have done to my body.

I have tried dieting, diet pills, exercising, starving myself, counseling, OA, WW and reading self help books. Nothing sinks in. Weight loss surgery is not an option because that is only a bandaid for the problem. Besides I have seen a few people who have lost a lot of weight after surgery and they have sagging skin.

One of my bad habits is eating while watching TV. I would say I am addicted to TV especially on weekends. I am married but very lonely. My husband and I don't share a bedroom anymore for a variety of reasons and there is no intimacy in our marriage. I guess I use food and TV as a substitute husband and to fill the void of loneliness. I'm not a bringer. I don't eat a bag of chips or box of cookies in one sitting. I just make poor choices and have little self control.

I am posting this in the Women-Focused Support because I want a woman's point of view and advice. As a woman being overweight I feel worthless and have virtually no self esteem. I hate myself and what I have done to myself.

Do you think people look at an overweight woman differently? Like she is less of a person? Sometimes I feel like I don't even matter as a person. Does that make sense?