You need to find another therapist. What this psychologist has done is not standard procedure, and has been very inappropriate. I'm wondering if your son paid for the time he spent with this psychologist, which I strongly suspect he did. I hate to say it, but I think this psychologist was just drumming up business, by recruiting your son as another client. The whole thing sounds like a big mess.

In therapy, degrees don't tell you who you'll do best with. Find someone new, who might not even be a psychologist . . . maybe a master's level counselor. You and your son need to have a bit more separation on one level, even though that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have time together. Who he takes up with romantically is his business, and you need to stay out of that. You and your son need to know what is appropriate to share and what is not. Sharing the services of this psychologist is so inappropriate, it's beyond words. I would discourage you from having anything to do with that psychologist again.

Whether you and your son have any business sitting in therapy together is altogether an open question. I would say that, for a good while, it will not be appropriate. I would very strongly urge you to get a female therapist. I have nothing against men, and I've known women who swear by their male therapists, but I think there is a lot of potential for excess problems with cross-gender therapeutic relationships. Actually, I think a lot of men do better with female therapists, as well.

A good female therapist who is of sound mind can provide you with some good role modeling on how to process things. Men's minds tend to work differently from women's minds, and you are never going to learn to think like a well-functioning man.

You, in particular, seem to need someone who will not be emotionally aloof from you, as this male psychologist was. Not every woman therapist will be right for you either.

Find someone whom you can build a trusting relationship with . . . and leave your son out of getting in the middle of it. Of course, you will need to discuss your issues with your son in therapy. But the more I read of what's above, the clearer it is that you need to have a "son-free" zone to go to for working on your issues. By all means, discuss this whole debacle with the new therapist. There is a lot of food for thought in all that happened.

Also, PC Forums might be a useful place for you to brainstorm some things in between visits to a competent and caring therapist. But it really does sound like you badly need help and support from a good, ethical professional. I think anyone who's gone to a number of therapists has met some shady ones along the way. I know I have. But a lot of them are very good. Trust your gut.