Gee, however did I guess all that. Do you think I'm clairvoyant? Of course not . . . I've just learned to connect some of the dots and that gives you a picture that you can recognize.

So his step-dad puts up with him for the sake of his mother. Otherwise, he probably would have been kicked out of that job. He knows that, himself. So, basically, your husband is kind of a loser - to put it plainly. And he hates going to that job. And one of these days he's going to decide to not go in. Things are going to come to a head and he's going to lose that job. That's something that he's afraid of himself.

He knows he's not much of an employee, which is why he doesn't just go get a job somewhere else. Only a family will put up with him. And that may wear out. Deep down inside he sees failure in his future.

Meanwhile, you're keeping a couple of jobs going and nearing completion of a very demanding program, as all graduate programs are. You are a burgeoning success story. So he has to cut you down to his level.

When you met him, he had no job. You let him move in and you supported him for some months. You'll be doing that again, at some point down the road. He's not looking to get rid of you. He wants to hold on to you for dear life, as his security. He can't make it on his own. You can. He resents that.

That job is the biggest source of his being all ticked off. He won't admit that because there's probably nothing wrong with the job. There is something wrong with him. No wonder he feels worthless. He can't fool people at work, like he can with you. They are telling him what they think of him. So he comes home and gets mad at you. It's the old story of the man who gets yelled at by the boss and, then, comes home to kick the dog. Only, you are the dog.

This husband of yours has an awful lot of problems that probably aren't going to get better with time. He's going to be complaining and whining about one thing or another for the rest of your lives together. You are actually the one who has the more power in the relationship.

If this house is big enough, then you might want to transform one of the rooms into your own private space. You're going to need it. Put in a small bed, an easy chair, a desk and a TV. Tell him it's your "office." When he gets too ridiculous, just go in there and relax. Take one of the dogs in with you. It might be worth it to you to stay in this marriage just to have another warm body in the house. But my suspicion is that you are going to need a break from this guy from time to time.