I'm sorry this is causing so much pain and confusion for you.

I really didn't start learning about any religion until I was 12 or so...but never really grasped it and didn't get anything out of it. When I was 29 I joined a church who embraces what Rapunzel described.

You, also, seemed concerned about sins...I have been taught that if we ask for forgiveness through repentance we are forgiven.

Definition of repentance for me...more than just acknowledging wrongdoings. It is a change of mind and heart that gives us a fresh view about God, about ourselves, and about the world. It includes turning away from sin and turning to God for forgiveness. It is motivated by love for God and the sincere desire to obey His commandments.

I guess for me having been lost for basically 29 years...I feel real comforted by this...we are all on varies ways to figuring it out.