So, last night I was feeling down but super awake. .My thoughts were racing, yet again... I couldn't sleep all night. I was recently dx'd for the second time. I feel I was in denial the first time as I have always been a high acheiver. But recently, I have been fired from my job due to excessive absences (I just didn't want to get out of bed sometimes and no one understood), and also bc I decided to go on a bender with my employees present. I was feeling great and invinsible. My pdoc says that I was self medicating...

Anyhow, back on topic... my head is everywhere...

I decided to call my best friend last night bc I was afraid of losing grip over my sadness. I feel like I should disappear or not exist anymore. Well, I ended up telling her my "secret" and how it was affecting my current mental state. She freaked out on me... she went as far as saying that I need to give my daughter up and that she doesn't want to have me around her kids. I'm her one of her children's godmother and she is my daughter's god mother. It was so bizarre. We have been besties since 7th grade. I'm 28 now. I don't understand how someone could turn their back on their back on me so flippantly. I have bee there for her through all of her "issues" even when most of them are self inflicted.

So, now I haven't slept and I'm dwelling over the fact that my illness makes me some sort of piriah. I really want to disappear now.

I have been on my meds for a few weeks, but I don't think my lamictal has ramped up to a good dosage to stabilize my moods... how long does that take?

Plus, I feel extra crazy because I left my doctors office with 8 freaking prescriptions... that really put a damper on my psyche...

I just feel like I needed to put my feelings out there I know most of ya'll will understand me as I have been a close observer of most of the threads here .