I just wanted to the thank you both for ur sincerity and wishes. I think I really do need to be honest myself to get to the bottom of this. Wow I didn't think I realize the severity of consequences with cocaine. Not that using it justified us but, u know? I think part of it is wanting so much to have friends etc. I crave that human interaction, living alone and feeling that I'm not being recognized enough or something. That's the gist of it anyways.