hi xxxyyyzzz
it is tempting to hold on to what is familiar because you know what to expect and letting go of that, changing, creates the unknown and that is really scary. a lot of what you describe is what i experience in daily life and i am really sick of it. i am 51 now and i first started getting ill when i was a kid. my parents always said i wasnt normal and needed help but they never got it for me. i too was supposed to be the perfect daughter. that is what created so much anxiety for me. i didnt get help until about 8 years ago after a massive breakdown. i wish so much that i had gotten help at your age. i feel like i have wasted my whole life because now that i have gotten help, my life is so completely changed for the better. it is such a struggle living as you do. i can tell you it is an amazing difference not having to live life so anxious all the time. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome