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While I don't hate myself as deeply and intensely as I used to, I still struggle daily with liking myself / my appearance / personality / abilities (or lack thereof), etc. I avoid comparing myself to others, and I try not to project my insecurities on those around me. However, I feel that I'm too ugly to talk to people or have a relationship (I'm 18 and have never had a boyfriend or even been kissed). In school I was the girl who guys asked out as a joke. Nobody wanted to date me. So I didn't date. This means I am entirely inexperienced and I feel that I've been left out of one of the most important parts of a teenager's life.
I can't help thinking Who is going to want me? It seems impossible to me that any good guy (or girl) my age would ever like me 'in that way'. As no one has ever shown the least bit of interest in me (and many have even shown repulsion, it's not just all in my head) I can only assume that what I feel about myself is true. And whenever I hear anyone mention relationships or sex, especially people my age, I can't help feeling this bitter twang of loneliness and jealousy. I feel like they are much more mature and better than me, because they have these things, and I don't (and probably never will).
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Dear Shy Poet Girl, I had never been kissed at your age or had a relationship either, I was shy like you and after a period of bullying my self-esteem was rock bottom. I'm in my mid life now and I still struggle with self belief, but I did meet someone who loves me (I was in my 20s) and have a family.
But yes, I still lack that self belief, I can tell you that someone telling you you're lovely does not (in my case anyway) magically transform your self image. What I will say is that it's not as crashingly low as it was when I was 18 as I have life experiences which have broadened my opinions on many things including myself. I also recognise the self sabotage which goes on within me, I no longer let it overcome me, I identify it and work to overcome it. I'm not always successful, but my hit rate is improving.