By negativity, I mean the negativity I experienced, i.e. the bullying, emotional/mental. Because of it and me not defending myself at all, This bullying is one of the causes that made me lose my self-esteem (and I mean it is totally lost, completely), and had me overthink every problem until my whole life was spent with depression.

Is this natural? I don't feel like a good person for thinking to hurt people, although I still seek satisfaction.