how do you handle the unavoidable pain of the therapeutic relationship? sometimes i cant handle it at all... on Wednesday i was 15 minutes late for our appt... i have been seeing T for 3 years... have been late ONCE in all that time... 5 mins late due to traffic... have never missed an appt.... this time the road was closed because of an accident... was 15 mins late... and even though i know i was her last appt... she didn’t extend the session... not even one minute...

i feel hurt... and yet feel like i understand that the boundaries... or rules that she has have to be unbendable... for her sake i guess... but i don’t know how to deal with how this feels...

sometimes when i feel hurt by her i think about therapy and what it means... i think Freud was a genius... businessman... get someone to fall in love with you, get them to pay huge amounts of money for the privilege... and you can do pretty much whatever you want... and they will still come back... because they need you... and want you... and will suffer the slings and arrows of love to just be near you... for 50 minutes twice a week.....

GOD!!! what does any of this mean...???!!! i love T and will continue to love her... but today i feel hurt... and i don’t know what to do with those feelings...

she does her best for me... within her boundaries... i do accept that... but sometimes i wanna smash the hell out of those boundaries...!!! and yet i know come Monday i will be counting the minutes til our session... crazy??!! who knows... therapy is a wild ride...

i feel bad already for writing this as i know my T has a good heart... and would probably be upset to know i felt this way... but its never easy when we see things from the other side of the fence is it??