I saw T on Monday and needed a few days to process some of the things we've talked about. First of all T is really happy and proud that I got the job with her husband, and she reassured me that I didn't get the job because of her, but because I really was the best candidate. I hope that's true and try me best to believe her... but she coached me for the job interview, so she's partly responsible for the success.
I also learnt the reason why I was asked multiple times if I could work in a stressful environment: the last three secretaries had to quit due to depression.... I hope I won't end up doing the same, T is convinced I can handle it, especially if I use my DBT skills and if I call her as often as needed to learn to deal with this new stressors.

We then talked about her plans for my future (at least therapy-wise). She's giving me a couple months to adjust to my new job. Then she wants us to start seriously working on me moving out. This is where I get really nervous and scared as I know I'm not ready to handle life on my own. She also said that once I move out we can start doing DBT again and finally work on my trauma, that she will help me through this and is staying until I don't need her anymore.

I know she wants what's best for me, and be there for me. But I'm terrified about these next steps... what if I can't handle life on my own, and screw up? what if I disappoint her so much that she'll leave me? what if I just can't move out?.... there are so many questions and doubts in my head that I feel like she's asking far too much from me, like I won't be able to handle this and that all I can do is fail as usual...