Well, hi there.

I joined this site a few months ago, and made a post in September concerning the symptoms I've been having. If you want to read it for a better understanding of what's been going on, just visit my profile.

Well since then, I have gotten a therapist. It's still a little early in treatment, but so far I feel like I still have a long way to go (It's CBT, btw) The sessions are phone sessions and I have them about once a fortnight.

Thing is, I feel that lately things have taken a huge turn for the worst. For a few weeks I was pretty stable, but it soon spiraled out of control again, this time being much worse than it was before.

I can hardly function. Everything is difficult. I cannot get out of bed most days, and I have been feeling suicidal almost everyday. This time the triggers are much smaller, and usually revolve around some kind of rejection from the one I have been attached to recently (I always have one person I will attach to and become suicidal if I sense that I am disliked or ignored by them)

I've also felt like I'm just surviving, not really living per se. I constantly feel really empty, like something is missing. I cannot figure out what it is exactly, and this is one of the main things causing me distress. I feel kind of trapped, and honestly I've almost gotten to the point where Therapy seems to not be working, and lately the only thing that even makes me happy is some kind of affirmation from the one I have become obsessed with. This is driving me crazy. It's like my day will either be full of joy and wonder or and despair, depending on whether I'm ignored or acknowledged.

I don't know what to do anymore. What the hell is this I'm experiencing. Is there a way to ease the pain?

Sorry for coming across as a crybaby, I just don't really have anyone else to ask.