Wow, you're only 18? I was reading along, sort of forming an idea of your age and was thinking at least mid-20s.

You sound like a thoughtful, insightful person.

Some of what you've asked is something I've wondered about, too. There seems to be lots of talk on PC about "self-esteem". Maybe it gets talked about a lot in therapy, too. I don't know. My therapist doesn't use that particular term.

I sometimes find myself wondering "what exactly is this self-esteem thing and why am I supposed to want it?" It seems like an elusive concept. Maybe the word is just sort of a place holder for all sorts of attitudes we have about ourselves.

I don't think I'm attractive, but I don't really mind (okay, maybe just a tad) but I'm 95% okay with the way I look. Is that okay?

I can think and do and participate and enjoy. Those things are important to me.

I know things like looks are on a person's mind more when they are 18. It just seems to be part of being human.

Anyway, when I read what you've written, you project an *extremely* intelligent, thoughtful, and insightful personality. There's a part of me that thinks that at some level you realize that. If that's the case, go with it. Look for what you're interested in in life and pursue it. I think the people who accomplish the most don't necessarily have great self-esteem. They do have a lot of drive, though.