Quote:
Originally Posted by Innerzone
Welcome to PC, Starks518! 
Her behavior you describe here is classic Borderline. We can't diagnose, and I'm not saying she doesn't have bipolar (maybe she has both, dunno), but of what you describe, I don't see bipolar in it. But I see nothing that isn't Borderline.
The reason I say this is because it may help give you insight. See, for a long time, my BF's borderline behavior confused the heck out of me, but once I knew what was actually going on, it was easier to understand (and not take personally. Well, as personally  ).
One of the biggies you're seeing in this situation is the idealization/devaluation symptom. And it involves very black and white thinking. All or nothing. The 180 degree turn. In this kind of thought pattern, there really isn't middle ground. The important thing for you in that is understanding that it's NOT YOU. You did not suddenly become any of the things her meanness threw at you. So do not take them to heart (easier said than done, I know), because they do not reflect reality. They do not reflect who you are. The only thing they reflect is her distorted thinking. Which is almost undoubtedly contributing to your depression, because we think mean things about ourselves in depression, and it feels like a confirmation of those things. IT ISN'T.
You can't fix her. She'd have to really want to do that. For herself. Since no one wants to be told their perception of the world isn't accurate(!), it's not very likely she would seek help in the first place. Or see the need for it, as it's "everyone else" causing the problem. Also, it takes a lot of hard work on her part.
The drama's not helpful in your managing your BP, so best advice is to learn from it and leave it at that.  |
Thank you, so much. Within two weeks of us talking at the beginning she was non-stop texting me which I found flattering. Looking back now I see it may have been a red flag someone was so attached to me so quickly. But I liked it and I was going through such a hard time with my parent dying that it took my mind away. She told me she was diagnosed bipolar with rapid cycling and that originally the Dr thought it was borderline but changed the diagnosis. Numerous times throughout the relationship she said she always hurt everyone she loved and said mean things. I had not experienced that side of her so I thought it all to be her being overly dramatic. She is on meds for bipolar. She has only had one serious relationship that lasted 7 years and since that time (3 1/2 years ago) has only had very short "relationships" in which she said no one really loved her and even with her long term ex she stated she didn't even think he liked her because he took jobs on opposite shifts and they didn't spend a great deal of time together, he was always annoyed with her then cheated on her the last couple of years where she begged him to stay and bought him expensive gifts in an attempt but he left anyway. I'm sure that has left residual hurt feelings. And she brought it up constantly so I do know it has. To the point where I was often left feeling uncomfortable having to hear about it. You mention the black and white thinking. I actually have a text message saved from the beginning of the relationship where she said she knows herself and her thinking and she is THAT black and white. Now I am beginning to wonder if maybe it is a combination of bipolar and borderline? Sincerely it went from one week so madly in love with me to nothing to pure hatred. Are my feelings still hurt? Yes. Do I try to understand where in the world she is coming from and how I can be hated so much? Yes. Am I a very sensitive person? Yes, which only makes this that much difficult to deal with. But I know I need to move on and I am working very hard at it every day. Luckily, I have a lot of pto time saved up that I have to use so I have booked a flight to go home to spend time with family and friends for two weeks at the beginning of next month. Hoping this will help me with getting away for a while, being away from her and the possibility of seeing one another, and being surrounded by loved ones.
Thank you again for your response, it means so much to me during this time where I feel so hurt and lost.