I have a similar story but more retrospective. I am more than twice your age and had a lot of promise when I was younger but self-destructed most of the time. I did well in school and was a great athlete. However, I lost most of my friends because I couldn't handle my emotions and was labeled a "nut" of sorts. I was super competitive, talked myself out of every job I had, drank a lot of booze, challenged people to fights, and got bored with life in general.

My primary symptoms are anger, unpredictable behavior, and paranoia and I was in denial for a long time. As my mind raced along, I tried to just keep up with life, never really enjoying anything deeply.

Then, a few months ago, I was diagnosed with mixed state bipolar (edgy bipolar II) after YEARS of misery and I consider it an incredible blessing. My job makes things worse by a factor of 50 and there are days I just want to walk out the door and never come back. But now, the clarity has given me a new incentive to find a job that matches my condition and I can get away from all the madness that is a large part of my life. Plus, I am also leveraging the skills and talents I always had - music, model making, writing - to become more centered.

Take time to find peace and de-emphasize things like career and work. For me, they've come and gone and I'm still standing. The bridges behind me are burned. So be it. I could have been a brain surgeon......but I'm not and that's OK. Look for a fit, gently leverage those "bipolar" things like creativity and joy for life. Right on.