Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
That is how it is for you. But can you see that it might be different for someone else? Like, say, a teenage girl whose teenage-level judgment was severely impaired at the time?
How long were they married?
This is a useful insight. Focusing on the present is more productive than focusing on what happened in the past. Suppose she never had had sex with him. I gather that you would still think that he is a dirt bag--based on how he behaves now and in the recent past.
Do not minimize this, or the importance of the family connection. Although he is not blood-related, it sounds like to her it feels like he is. Attacks on family members can feel like attacks on self, so be aware that she herself might be feeling attacked when you attack him.
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I can see how the view would be different for someone else. I can also respect that. I know that this is how her family views it and taught her to view it. But with a family member? Usually this is a one night stand situation at a party or something like that. She has a huge problem with not wanting to disappoint people. This is what was exploited by this cousin. But this is once again the past............
I am not sure how long they were married. I would say somewhere around 10 years.
Yes. He is not the type of person I would be around. I knew guys like him in high school and didn't choose to be around that then.
We really don't discuss this much. She always says that she doesn't feel like he is a good person. I really try not to get upset and think that I don't if we do discuss it. Maybe it is a struggle for me that she had sex with someone she views a family member but when we have discussed it she talks as if they never had a "cousin" relationship so the sex was not with a family member.